Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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