Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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