I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
