You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Randomize
