I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
