You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
