Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
