Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
