the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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