Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
