Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
