I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Randomize
