Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
