he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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