What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
