my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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