who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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