dude i'm inner monologue high
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
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