I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
