I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
