He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
