I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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