I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
