I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Randomize