I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
