I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
