who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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