You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
