she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
