dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
