The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
