I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
