There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
