mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Blood and glitter go together right?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
