New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
