i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
