maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize