ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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