This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
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