Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
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