And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
