Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
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After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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