an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
