I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
