he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
