If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
