if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Randomize
