Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
