It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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