Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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