wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
