I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
