jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
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