I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
