well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
