she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
