My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Randomize
