I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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