I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
