I'm really into asian looking animals
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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