life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
