I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
