Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
