it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
