don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You need a sexual gate keeper
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
