I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
