You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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