I'm eating all of the evidence.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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