The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
