she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
