I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
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