Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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